Snog marry avoid
by Terfle
Summary: Dylan & Bernie get drunk to play snog marry avoid


It was late. They were drunk. And nothing to do in their hotel room but to get through a whole minibar of whisky bottles to get through. Such a hard life.

'Snog, marry avoid.'

Bernie looked at him incredulously. 'What game is this?'

He shrugged.

'I dunno, it's a game some of the others play.'

'Some of the 20 year olds?' She laughed. 'How does it go?

'You pick three people and you decide what you want to do with them.'

They sniggered childishly. Being drunk worked wonders for the awkwardness of being stuck in a double bed room in the midst of a storm. They hadn't got to that point of friendship yet but this was a good fast track. Bernie wondered who he had in mind.

'You first.'

'I pick first' he corrected her.

'Jacob, Hanssen and…Ethan' he suggested.

'Oh come on, who do you think I am, Connie Beauchamp? Ethan is a little baby goldfish! I'm hardly a man-eater.'

They laughed at the thought of Connie manhandling Ethan.

'Oh Mrs B.B.B. Beauchamp!' Dylan stuttered, in a cruel impression of Ethan and they fell about with laughter.

'Where did you come up with that idea?'

She shrugged. 'I heard a rumour.'

Dylan was impressed. He hadn't even heard it.

'Ok so…'

'Hmmm. Ethan has to go I'm afraid. Bit too young for me.'

'Quite right. Push him over a cliff.'

They barked with laughter at the thought of Ethan sailing over a cliff, his little arms flailing.

'Hanssen…erm, marry. He's dependable and undemanding. We'd have separate rooms and he smiles more when he's drunk.'

'Makes sense.'

'Jacob, a very drunk snog. I think that's all I can handle.'

'Wise choice. He's already had a few women on the ED.'

'Set him on AAU and watch the hens run. Ric might feel put out.'

'Ah yes, Ric, scrap Ethan, let's go for Ric. Results changed now?' He slyly looked at her.

'Erm, yes. Maybe I'll snog Ric and push Jacob over a cliff. With a bulldozer.'

They drunkenly honked in mirth at the thought of Jacob sailing over a cliff, his beefy arms flailing.

'So you'll still marry the beanpole?'

'No use marrying Ric, he's a husband disaster. He's too fond of breaking up and chasing other women for it to ever work. Hanssen is low maintenance. Like a tortoise. Throw him some lettuce and he's content for much of the day. Ric is more like Mr Toad from Toad Hall. Speedy and fickle when it comes to women. He never stops insinuating that he and Serena might be able to make a go of it.'

'I heard she upended his authority when she arrived. He wasn't too happy.'

'Nor with I when I arrived. But he's been one of her best friends since and I honestly can't imagine being without him now.'

Dylan nudged her.

'I think he's got a problem with female authority.'

'He does for the first year. And then he accepts it and becomes friends with them. If he doesn't shag them anytime before that.'

They were both thinking it, Serena and Ric? Bernie smiled.

'She has assured both Ric and I that it will never work. One drunk snog under the mistletoe doesn't make them compatible. They'd drive each other up the wall, thank God.'

Dylan registered her relief at her words before she did. She blushed. Whoops, that just slipped out. She avoided his gaze.

'Oh I see.' He growled like a wolf in response.

'It's not like that!'

'Even I can tell that you're lying. There is something going on, isn't there?'

'No.'

'Or you'd like there to be.'

He'd got her there. He studied his friend's reluctant face intently. He could hardly fail to notice the vibes between them at Albie's, he'd even come and observed an operation they'd worked on and couldn't help seeing something there. If one of them had been a man, it would be outright flirting. But they got away with it and somehow shared an office amicably, despite Bernie's insane messy nature.

'Tell me there's something going on' he teased. He liked Serena, she was rather fun despite those awful printed blouses of hers. Almost as bad as Sacha's. That one with the suspiciously looking vulva print was begging to be burned. Bernie laughed and hesitantly agreed. He hadn't realised he'd spoken out loud.

'She's got her own style' she said affectionately.

He stared at her. Oh she'd got it bad.

'How long have you been crushing on her?'

She confessed it had been a while. Months. Many of them.

'But she's straight. There's no way I can tell her and risk our friendship.'

It was a tricky one.

'So where would she fit in the snog, marry avoid category?'

'Snog and marry' she said without hesitation.

'How long have you been dreaming of that?'

'Too long. You wont tell her will you?'

'Only person that should tell her is you. When you're brave enough.'

'Or if I'm drunk enough' she mused. 'Or when she's drunk enough.' She sighed. 'I'm never brave enough.'

'Maybe this time you should be.'

She looked at him with uncertainty.

'Please let's not talk about it.'

One day she'd have to stop avoiding it. But tonight was not it.


End file.
